Valentine Humor



Valentines Day Humor

Ol' Rhett certainly had a way with words when it came to expressing his Valentine's Day sentiments.  Despite his bluntness, Scarlett puckered up for the charming rascal.  Of course, she was saving her heart for Mr. Ashley Wilkes, who had already given his to Melanie, who was too damned nice to everyone.  If only Rhett had kissed her instead!

It'll only get better as you continue to read and enjoy our look at the funny side of Valentine's Day and the Lore of Love and Romance and other Human Afflictions.




High on Love?

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful?'" she asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied. 

Now Let Us Pray

The bride it turned out was very religious. As soon as she got married, she put a sign above their bed, "I need thee every day." So the following day, the husband put up his own sign next to hers bed, "Oh Lord, give me strength."

 

For Better, For Worse

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" She asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

Sauerkraut Love

My love is like a cabbage
Divided in two.
The leaves I give to others,
The heart I give to you.
 

 

One Day at the Bar

Walking into the bar, Harvey said to the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one, Eddie. I just had another fight with my wife."

"Oh yeah," said Eddie. "And how did this one end?"

"When it was over," Harvey replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."

"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say"?

Before Harvey had time to answer, his wife entered the bar and swiftly interjected:

"I said: 'Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel'". 

The Secret to Love and a Long Life

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have taken a long walk out in the fresh air day after day for some 75 years now."

The others were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

If

If raindrops fell upon my head.
If lightning flashed
and thunder said,
This is your hour, What will you do?

I'd close my eyes,
and think of you...

Minute after Minute,
'til my hour was through...

 

 

Public Warning About V.D. (Valentine's Day) by Elson Trinidad

"Love is something that leeches you of your intelligence, rational abilities, creativity, time and money."

Love makes you dumb. That is not just opinion, that is fact.

A study performed in 1993 at Tuebingen Univeristy in Germany dealt with electroencephalogram (EEG) readings of people with low IQs and high IQs. One of their findings revealed that some of the high IQ subjects showed brain- wave patterns of a "clearly reduced complexity," comparable with those in the low IQ group. The researchers questioned them and found out that they were genuinely and passionately in love. And how many times have couples neglected work or their studies just to spend time together? Far too often.

Lovers are very un-creative people. They succumb to dullness and cliches. "I'll love you forever," a man would say to his woman. Bo-ring. What does that mean, "forever?" No one loves forever. People break up. And even if they marry, they get divorced. And even if they stay married, they die. Nothing lasts forever.

I have lost count of all the times I wanted to hang out with a friend, only to hear, "Oh, sorry, I can't. I have to spend all day with my girlfriend." (My mind hears the sound of a whip cracking). And lovers are so intoxicated with each other that, for them, "Time seems to fly by so quickly."

As for money: Hah. Love leaves you bankrupt. There are the necessities of life: food, clothing, bills, perhaps even rent and gas. But love upsets one's financial priorities. Lovers have to spend money on such things as presents, flowers, presents, cologne or perfume, presents, perhaps even birth control and, oh yeah, presents. And I didn't even mention how money disappears when people go out on dates! All of the above leaves one financially weak. It's no wonder that lovers have to end up living together.

Face it, love is not such a wonderful thing now, is it?

Happy Valentine's Day.